I'M A LOSER, BABY........

I will begin by saying, "I am sorry."

It's been over a month since an entry and as dear Lisa would say "You thought I was dead in a ditch, didn't you?" No, just busy as an exlax brownie eating kitten covering up shit.

So with this entry comes a confession. I am addicted to cheesy Hollywood/Celebrity gossip. The crappy gossip mags? Like candy to me. I am much like the common crow - I see something shiny and I drop everything and am drawn to said shiny object. They know this. C'mon, you didn't think that "Star", "OK" and "In Touch" had such smooth shiny covers just because, did you? I will buy them and try to hide them on the grocery conveyor. Right there next to the yogurt, breath mints and paper towels. So, I will now give you a run-down of the latest big stories and my opinion. Yes, I know you want my opinion, be patient while I gather my thoughts.

Tom & Katie - I refuse to call them Tomkat. He is a midget gay cult freak and she used to be cute. Dear God, I can only hope he is paying her ridiculously well. All a hoax and she should be ashamed. She will regret it when the aliens come to take the baby and her anal probe is removed. Perhaps she will come to her senses then.

Jessica & Nick - I am personally saddened by their demise. I always thought they were a cute couple. She actually has a good voice - she needs to fire that boob obsessed father of hers and distance herself from him - he is just plain creepy.

Keith & Nicole - He is cute, but way TOO short. Dear Nicole, I promise there is a handsome tall man out there for you, just wait. Besides, they say he is a player... Move on Nicole - If you can keep your mouth shut about Gay Dwarf Boy and all his idiosyncracies, you deserve a medal and so much more.

Paris Hilton - Why is she even a celebrity? I mean, any girl can spread her legs for every boy. Besides, she has a horrendous lazy eye - doesn't she have enough money to get that fixed?

Brad & Angelina - Again, I refuse to attach that stupid name squishing thing that people have been doing - She is a freaky slut who used to do her brother. Even with all her do-gooder crap, let's not forget she is an incestuous little whore. And Brad, you used to be so cute. Now you are just a simpering puppy who follows his master everywhere. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Jennifer Aniston - Honey, please be done with the "cross to bear" crap - someone needs the wood. Enough I'm ok, really, - I don't think anyone really cares. But you do have my sympathies on the ex's new baby. I am sure that made you wince a little. Oh, and Vince Vaughn...... Dear, you are supposed to trade UP on the rebound. Not settle. But if he makes you laugh, I'll concede.


Well, that was a wonderfully meaty selection of topics, no? I should try harder to come up with some thought provoking entry that makes people question their beliefs, but alas, that will be another day. I would really like a nap right about now, truthfully, so I can't be too intellectual right now.

So, until next time, my minions. And I will really try not to be gone so long next time. It's not like I was on vacation or anything.