More about the Neighbors

Just for you, Carri.

I am in need of a mood lifter, and lo and behold - one came in the form of more neighbor antics. I have decided we live not in a cul de sac, but a cult de sac.

The Labelers continue to mystify me. The younger Pants in our home are all set to start basketball season and we have signed them up for the league. I think that organized sports are a superb way of teaching teamwork, discipline, self esteem and confidence in kids. I know my ball playing all those years has certainly helped me out - a little competitiveness is a good thing. It makes you try harder.

I think it would be especially important for a child that has ADHD to be able to get out all that energy, plus Spaz is as fast as lightning and I think he could become a good little athlete if he had good direction. He wanted to play basketball, but his mom told me they couldn't afford it. They are really struggling right now and have been since summer. She had a baby and took a longer leave than she was paid for, they expanded the upstairs and upgraded themselves into huge debt and they both took off all summer without pay.

Mr. Labeler has been talking about getting a motorcycle for months and months. Well, guess what? He went and bought one. Mrs. Bubble asked Mrs. Labeler "What the hell? You can't barely pay your utility bill and he gets a motorcycle?"

Mrs. Labeler's response? "I know, but if he isn't happy, he makes all of us miserable."

Are you kidding me?

This man is closing in on 50 and he acts like this? And she allows it? Dear God, I cannot imagine how suffocating that must be. I admit I have a true weakness when it comes to purses and kicky little housewares, but I assure you, I don't get them too often. Plus I don't think mine cost as much as a brand new motorcycle. Not to mention, I cannot fathom, telling my kid "no" to something, just because I need $50 more dollars for a downpayment on a toy for myself. That no one else in the house gets any use out of.

Insane. And to top it all off, picture a David Gest or someone like that on a motorcycle. That's what I get to see when he rides it down the street. Not that he looks like David Gest, but it's that whole geek factor. His is pretty high. And he rides it like he is saying "Look at me. Do you see my cool new bike? Aren't I cool, young and sexy?" In a word? NO. You look like a big honking nerd suffering a huge midlife crisis.

How wrong would it be to get a picture and let you people see? I promise you, when he pulls up on that thing, I have to turn away. Pants and I just look at each other and start giggling. I don't think that is the effect Mr. Labeler was going for. At all.