Ridiculously Creepy

I despise spiders - no matter the size - they freak me out. Snakes? Don't bother me a bit. Spiders? I kill them all! Well, except for the Granddaddy Longlegs ones - they eat mosqitoes by the pound. I am truly a spider stomping fool - it is the only thing that I will scream for Pants to come kill if it has me cornered. I am getting all itchy and creeped out just thinking about this.

Now that you are aware of my phobia, we have a "pet" spider. One morning, I looked out the big picture window in the kitchen and there was a spider on it. It was outside, so the hair on the back of my neck didn't go up, thank you. But I recognized it as a baby writing spider (or zipper spider) - the kind that makes those Z's down the center of the web. You ever seen one? They get pretty big and are bright green or yellow with black on them. They are pretty cool as spiders go. They rock their web and make it bounce back and forth to catch bugs and take down their webs every few days and make a new one. Tidy and active little arachnids they are. I thought the boys would enjoy watching her for a few days.

Anyway, I showed them, thinking she would move on in a few days and we left her alone. Small Pants, who is a HUGE Spiderman fan, named her Mary Jane after Mary Jane Watson - the girl who stole Spidey's heart. In truth, he calls her Mary James, but I ignore that. So we checked on Mary Jane daily and boy, did she grow.

Here is a picture of her nasty ass from yesterday.



Freaking gross, isn't it? And that picture doesn't really show you how huge she is!!

This one is better:



Ewww. Itchy here - really itchy and totally skeeved.

But the boys have really enjoyed watching her grow and catch bugs. I admit, it has been neat - remember the double paned huge window between us. That makes me feel safe. She has been living there for about three months and we have all grown attached to her. Even the neighbors know her name, check on her and comment on how big she has gotten. Just like we had a new baby or something.

Sadly... I will have to lie to the kids and tell them she moved away or something. This morning when we were leaving, I noticed a big ass egg sac - big as in the size of a small plum - up in the corner of her web. I muttered a "Holy Shit" and we backed down the driveway. Mary Jane and her luggage may be meeting an untimely demise later today. Unless I can convince Pants to catch her in a jar with her Bag-O-Kids and move her far down in the yard. Just the thought of 50,000 little spiders crawling through my flowerbeds - right outside my kitchen - is possibly more than I can bear.

But then guilt, my old friend, steps in and I think how the kids would like watching another one grow, and I am not sure if I can move her. Or squish her beneath the soles of my shoes. It's not like she's a black widow or something, you know? But she is still creepy as shit. Ahh, the dilemma of a naturalist - never thought it would happen to me.