And the Grand Facade, So Soon Will Burn

Without a noise, without my pride. I reach out from the inside.

Pants and I are getting away for a long (read 4 freaking days - woohoo) in 8 days. I am so very excited. A dear dear friend of ours (I love you, man!) got us a hookup for a cottage on the golf course in Heber Springs. It will be absolutely delicious! No kids, no work, just me, Pants, fishing, golf and some cool antique stores. I cannot wait. It will be so very good for us.

Pants is a wonderful husband and a good man. He has no agenda and what you see is what you get. He doesn't try to be something he is not. I love this about him, but it also has occasional drawbacks. He isn't a big talker when it comes to emotions and what he really feels in his heart. He just doesn't do it and he doesn't try to do it, because it is just not him. Sometimes, not really often, I need him to open up and bare some feelings and emotions. Just a little verification and reassurance.

I don't want to be needy and I usually am not, but sometimes (largely due to past issues before Pants) I need to know that you still are in love with me - coming home every night doesn't affirm that for me all the time. I know I am weak in that respect so I don't usually ask for that reassurance out of thinking it is just me being unecessarily whiney. Then it builds up and I get insecure and afraid. Then it just all comes out. In true "Me" form, I get introspective and retrospective when this happens. Trust me, I NEVER think that any issues are all one person's fault. I sometimes have trouble communicating my needs and feelings too - especially when I think it might make me look like a whiney wimp.

This little break, sans stress and children, will allow us to just get back to where we should be. It will allow us to regain our security and connection with each other. I know Pants loves me and he knows I love him. Believe me, the man knows. I think these few days away will allow us to get close again. We have been running in so many different directions with the boys soccer, Pants working 10 & 11 hours days, me working and rushing to get home and get the boys where they need to be - it has been ridiculously hectic these past few months.

We will have a wonderful time and I am totally stoked about it. Sightseeing, golfing, spending quality time ALONE together. Maybe I will get some great pictures. Don't get all excited, people, there will be no porn posted.