The One In Which I Parent Poorly

I like people to use proper grammar. My parents, my siblings and I were all English majors. When one of us would use an incorrect tense or poor grammar, my parents would either not respond to our question or correct us immediately. Sadly, I inherited this little trait. I correct my children and I correct the neighbors' children when they are in my house. I don't correct Pants, ummm..... usually. I don't correct other adults, unless they are of the smartass - knowitall variety.

The other day, the boys were playing in the front yard with some other kids. We have a big front porch with rocking chairs and big brick steps, so we usually sit out there on the steps and watch them (and officiate, if necessary). One of the boys lives up the road from us, and while he's as sweet as he can be, he is not the most brilliant of the bunch. I must be honest here, sorry if I offend, but it's part of the story.

The neighbor and I were sitting on the steps and apparently the kid said something rather stupid as he was leaving. I didn't hear it, so I don't know what was said but Medium Pants came up to the steps and made the following comment to the other boys:


"Well, if he was, he's an idiot."


I must segue here and say that sometimes I am quite guilty of allowing things to pop out of my mouth. I think it is commonly referred to as letting your mouth overload your ass. It doesn't happen too often - I have trained myself fairly well. I think. OK, back to topic...

As I was sitting there, with the neighbor don't forget, it happened. I said:


"Son, the proper grammar would be 'If he were, he's an idiot' not was."


A few seconds passed......... OK, Maybe it was minutes. Anyway, shut it. Then, thank God, apparently some parenting chip in my brain kicked in and I said:


"And don't call people idiots. It's not nice."