Jackasses and the people who loved them

I think every person has one of THOSE people in their past.

You know what I am talking about - one of those all-consuming relationships that goes way too sour and you stay way too long. Some get much uglier at the end than others and some are much uglier throughout the entire drama than they should ever have been allowed to become.

I had one of those. We will call him Crazy Pat. Because his name was Pat and he was crazy. I was talking with a friend today about her ex and nodding in agreement when she was saying what an asshole he is and the conversation turned to my days many many years ago with... Crazy Pat. Damn - I wish I could put in some sound effects here.

We laughed, because those days were so bad and so fraught with nervousness and drama that you can't do anything but laugh about it now. I was in my early twenties and really apparently stupid. People who know me now that didn't know me then cannot believe I put up with his shit for so long. His shit included cheating on me as often as he could, keeping me from all my friends, smacking me around, threatening my life and finally ended with him being arrested no less than seven (yes! 7) times for stalking me.

It would be so very easy to blame him for it all - but I stayed and put up with it for 2 and 1/2 years - so I am equally as guilty for the crap. I should have left like I had been shot out of a cannon when it all first began - namely the very first time he hit me, but I didn't. So I have to hold myself accountable for what happened thereafter.

My relationship with him was very mild compared to some of the stories you hear. It began with him cutting me off from all my friends, followed by the incessant cheating, then came the self doubt and finally the abuse. Word to the wise - If he says ALL the girls he works with are lesbians.... they aren't. And there is a very good chance he is banging several of them. Just to let you know.

If you have never been in one of these relationships, lucky girl, you will never understand how hard it is to leave and how hard it is to talk about it. I was so consumed with shame that I was allowing myself to be treated like this that I did not tell a soul. I said the bruises and marks were always a result of playing ball. Since I do play ball - ALOT - people believed that at first, but when my nose got broken twice in one summer, I started getting funny looks. I finally got my fill and the strength to go.

I decided that even if he did kill me like he had threated so very many times, hell, that could not possibly be any worse that how I was living right then. I was sick to my stomach all the time, my hair would fall out in small clumps and I lost so much weight I would bruise my hip bones when diving for saves in volleyball. While I might like to have that metabolism right now, ahem, I don't want the rest of it. So I left - and it was hard, but things that are worth doing always are.

So my point is, the crap in life truly does make you stronger and a better person. I would not be at all who I am now if I had not gone through that. I have more sympathy for people in crappy relationships because I know how hard it is to make the choice to leave. But by the same token, I do not put up with nonsense - I don't have to. I think that is part of the reason Pants and I are so strong - I know what I will and will not accept. I also don't sweat the small stuff. Yes, he leaves his socks under the ottoman sometimes and it really pisses me off, but it could be so much worse. He could be doing things that are ridiculously more destructive to me, us and our marriage. So I don't sweat it. Too much. Really.

But I draw the line at flushing the toilet before you are finished peeing. For the love of God - Will you stop that! I am warning you - one more time - I catch you doing it again and your shit will be on the curb.