It's All "American Idol" In Here

I have watched American Idol every season. I have not missed an episode. Not one. I remember Justin Guarini and his ridiculous hair. I remember Pink-Haired Girl. I remember Tamyra Gray. I remember Frenchie and all her Porn Star glory. I remember Paula before she was a drunken annoyance. I remember it all. And I must say that this is the best season. I has been hard for me to choose an absolute favorite.

The four left are the four I would have picked early on to be the final four. I despised Kellie Pickler and her stupid girl antics. No one can be that dumb, can they? Really? And when she said that her daddy and his friends watched her from prison every week, I just shook my head. Yeah, I'll just bet they do...and afterward, they all go back to their cells for a little fun, don't they? I am glad she is gone. She'll turn up somewhere I am certain. Like the pages of Hustler. Ace? Ewww, what a cheeseball. I'll bet he turns up gay. Just wait. He'll be on Broadway in Rent soon enough. Paris? Just never felt it for her. Too cutesy and that real voice, dear God, you thought Kathy Griffin was bad?

I will now critique each of the remaining finalists for your reading pleasure, enjoy.

Elliot: OK. I know he looks like a garden gnome, or better yet, Mr. Tumnus (if you do not know who that is, revisit your Sr. Lit class, please) but he can really sing. If you close your eyes - he is great! And with a little Hollywood spit and polish, my my - he would be one of the beautiful people. I just know it. He can really sing. And he loves his mama.

Katherine: She is beautiful - great hair, great boobs. I wish I had boobs like that. A little silly, but beautiful voice. I think the crawling around on her knees thing this week was a subliminal message to get the man vote - you go girl.

Chris: Delicious, no? I thought his version of Renegade was superb, but I run hot and cold on him. Some weeks I think he is great and others, not so much. I do think nasty thoughts about him EVERY week though.

Taylor: Love, love, love Taylor. I know he is a kook. When you realize that my favorite-est song of all time is "Brandy" by Looking Glass, you will understand why he is my pick to win.

At this point I really don't care who wins because I think they will all have contracts when it's over. I would buy a CD put out by Taylor or Elliot, but maybe not by Kat or Chris. Besides, if Elliot gets voted off, his poor mother might have a heart attack in the audience she looks so frail.

They are at Graceland this week practicing their Elvis (thank ya, thank ya vury much) so next week could quite possibly be a disaster. Hopefully not - Here is what I hope to hear:

Elliot: "Love Me Tender"

Katherine: "Are You Lonesome Tonight"

Chris: "Little Sister"

Taylor: "Suspicious Minds"

We shall see. No one does Elvis like Elvis, although I do love Dwight Yoakam's version of Supsicious Minds.